Two things I was forced to realise today:
I’m boring
And naive as hell
Something else I learned:
If what you have to say won’t improve the silence than don’t say it.
But when you have something that will improve it, for God’s sake, speak loudly.
I feel like that Australian girl in Grease: I’m all giggly and eager to please. But I need a black-leather-and-red-lipstick-with-attitude makeover, STAT. Unfortunately I don’t have Grease Girl’s looks. DAMN I HATE HOW THE WORLD IS OUT TO GET ME. It is you know. I’m not just making this up.
My one mostly agreed upon attribute is that I’m cute. FUCK CUTE. What does "cute" even mean. “Pretty” and “smart” all are things one can measure, test and point out. But “cute” is…is…well I’m not sure what “cute” is and that’s the entire point.
Another thing I learned today. I’m way to content being in my own little world. I can happily be silent around people forever. Sometimes and in some ways that can be a good thing. But really, I don’t have it in me to say random crap that hopefully will win me points with the person or people. But damn it I wish I did.
Example:
Silence
Other person says something clever/funny
Me: ha ha. That’s funny.
Me displays she is a “‘yes’ man” and perhaps too agreeable
Me: (thinks) damn it say something clever and or entertaining.
ME HAS COMPLETE BLANK OUT
Me than gives up and retreats back into the world of Her Head
Oh God so painful and pathetic. I need to be able to spout out random knowledge and/or past entertaining/enlightening/funny personal events.
I think the problem is I’m a very crazy combination of laid back and stressed out. Caffeine pills might be the answer.
I just… I wish I could form coherent sentences and make sense…just once in awhile.
That reminds me. I think I am like those people addicted to porn. So addicted they can’t have sex with real people anymore.
I can’t speak to real people anymore. I think in my head. I write down then back space and then send. I do this more than I actually speak face-to-face.
I can’t talk in real life. I’d rather have a deep discussion over the Internet or maybe over the phone than trying to awkwardly make eye contact and say the right thing with out the aid of the “backspace” key.
A few weeks ago I was leaving a message on an important person’s answering machine and at the end of my horrible rambling message (no backspace key) I almost said my name at the end the message as if I was ending an email. Luckily I stopped mid name but really…what the hell? I now speak like I write emails.
But here I am still writing my feelings out with the help of a stupid machine. The Internet and Blogs make a person feel like they’re connecting with other people. They are sharing information to potentially thousands of people.
But in the end YOU’RE ALONE.
You’re sitting in a small dark room. You are ignoring the world around you. You are listening to the soothing hum of a machine that’s got your tongue.
Introverts are brainwashed into thinking they’re becoming extraverts with the help of a machine that claims to be connecting you to the world. But really users are forcing themselves deeper into a silent riddled nightmare.
3 comments:
Not sure what that was all about, but I think you may have gone into it too far. You area capable of forming coherent sentences. I've heard them and I know other people who have heard them.
Though the porn analogy was amusing. Makes the reader all... really she's into the internet porn... woulda never guessed it... And no sex anymore too... poor girl.
Gone too far? It was a freaking rant. Rants, by definition, go too far.
I like to believe that I got you into phone talking. I've done my part!
And I would like to point out that your the one who is always making new friends, who not only come up to you from out of the blue, but that you actually follow through and hang out with. When a stranger asks me to go out, I freak out and think that they're trying to kill me.
Alone in a room is the way to go damit!... cept you get out more.
Post a Comment