here you go...

Look. A quiz. Go on...and take it! and then see how your memory is or how your psychic abilities are...

short lived forever

The problem is romantic words come once a year.
Open your mouth wide and gag.
Flowery pieces of fluff stick to the back of your throat as they clumsily fall out onto the bed.
While in my dreams the only heart breaker is me. The only heart broken is mine.
And they sit silently with smiles. Yet their words are still raw and their actions short lived.
It’s dark. Eyes open and repeat, “I am alone.” No one’s here.
Can’t accept a white crumbling ceiling and four deserted walls. Giving in and drifting back to the new life full of action, pleasure, and romance.
It may seem too easy but just close your eyes and say “aw”. Squeeze them shut and live.

but I'm a cheerleader

Sitting on a bench on the same train station platform. Two girls sit as well. They stare into a medium sized brown paper bag. The blonde one takes two blocks of soap out and gives them to the other. The smell has time to float down to this bench. It smells fresh, a relief from the malls recycled air.
Surrounded by rain and content girls with soap.
She gently places the cream coloured bar in a mini Kellogg’s corn flakes cereal box and crams the pink one in with more force. They live in a hazy dream where it rains all the time and there’s always a lot of fog. She starts reading the titles of songs of her CD. Blue Tears and others I can’t remember.
On the train the windows keep out the fog and the smells of romance.
They wrestle it in by keeping everything out of focus. A slow shudder speed is the key she explains to the other.
No one’s perfect though. One kills a mosquito the other talks of developing a Volkswagen van using a modern day one and all I have is Dove.

One

I have created a new Zen. The Zen of Shit.
The first step to enlightenment is awareness. Awareness that you are taking shit...from someone (a job, person, group of people, or whatever).
I don't know what comes after awareness. I'm still on the first step.

In related news I'm beginning to despise my job...a bit more. Every time new giant guy walks by me I have to sneeze because he stinks of smoke and loneliness. It’s true! He reeks of someone I don't want to become. Not that I know him very well. He seems jolly with a slight anger management problem, a major addiction, and he slurps cold cheap noodles for lunch. I guess that doesn’t sound that bad. I just don't want to be lonely and I guess I'm not a fan of cold noodles either.
I don’t want to stay put and have the same constant job with the same constant life. I want to be ever-changing and always looking forward to something new every....4 months. My 4 months are almost up. Change is coming. HA! Says who!?
It’s like in some movies where the audience is told the character is due for some change. Nothing has happened in a long time so the character knows something is about to. The change builds up like a storm or a surprise party would (or something…oh I don’t know…anyway) And then change happens. Wonderful, “I told you so”, change.
We all can feel change. But the amazing change we are sure is about to explode in our faces never does.
I really really really might want change or think it’s damn well time for some. But mysterious change never leaps up and says "AHHA! I bet you knew I was coming! Now come with me! For you, good change starts now."

somethings in the air

I was vacuuming the house on Friday. I got to the dinning room and there flying beside me was a fruit fly. Minding its own business if I remember correctly. I thought, "ahha! revenge." I slowly lifted up the metal hose of the vacuum and sucked up the little guy. A mixture of guilt and satisfaction came over me. One down! One less fly to worry about walking on my next juicy nectarine. Why can’t fruit fly’s like something other than fruit? I guess that would be silly. Hell, it's more their fruit then mine. It's in there name. Fruit fly versus human being isn't a fair fight. Now, if it were between Fruit Fly’s and Fruitan Beings or Fruit Humans or Human fruits.

Anyway.

I felt pretty guilty a few minutes after and started thinking that I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to decide when that fruit fly was supposed to die. Maybe he's not dead. Maybe he'll start a little fruit fly colony in the vacuum bag. Ok I'll end this rant because I'm beginning to role my eyes at it.

do you feel better because i feel worse

I was reading old emails.
When I'm feeling particularly crappy my goal isn't to feel better. I listen to sad songs, look up pictures with sad titles, and read happy emails that bring back sad memories.
Really it should be the opposite to maintain a happier me. Some guy I talked to said that when he's sad he listens to happy music...to feel better...I don't get that. I don’t feel like feeling better when I don’t feel…good. I suppose I should listen to happy music and write happy emails.
Co-worker K says I complain. Well this is my blog. I'm allowed to be all moronic, complainy, and repetitive. Take that.

are those astronaut pants?

Now there's a giant at my work. He bumps into things and moans as any normal giant would. Recently, there have been mini white condoms in the garbage. I snicker every time I look down at them. Giants by day small sex hungry nymphs by night? I now realise my boss hired me based on the spelling of my name matching the spelling of her beloved dog. Pictures were brought back today because they all looked dead. One push of a button and I can revive them all. The other day a man grasped onto a pillar across from the train station. His bald bowed head pressed firmly against the hard cold surface. People walking by either completely missed him or took one hard look.

insainty dosn't flatter me

How about 'a new life' for $100 Alex.
Sniffle.