rachel made me do it...

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.5
Mind:	5
Body:	5.9
Spirit:	7.7
Friends/Family:	3
Love:	4.6
Finance:	7.1
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Drunk high sleepy people say lame things they think are deep…

I just came back from watching a movie I can’t remember. I can’t remember the title. It was as soon as the credits started rolling. No, I felt it before then – I think you know the feeling – when your stomach lurches and your insides grown. When the hot good guy embraces that almost ordinary girl (who could almost kind of resemble you which is a good thing because that means him, or someone just like him, could almost kind of go after you too) he holds on to her and its perfect. The music is perfect, the angle is perfect but really it’s that “happily ever after,” “don’t say a word I understand you completely,” “we’re hot and we’re together,” “we share amazing kisses and long meaningful gazes as we smile with a knowledge of each other behind our lips” that makes the love in the story so desirable.

People leave theatres in fuzzy dazes. As I leave the theatre I think about how I want love like that – frozen and perfect – forever and ever. By the time I have thrown out my pop container full of ice and veer toward the bathroom I get a little grumbly.

“That will never happen. Who thought of happily ever afters anyway?”

I think, in life there has never been a love story like I just saw. No one can read minds that well or give that meaningful love gaze that perfectly shows that they’ve just discovered something – no, they’ve just discovered everything – about the other person. “From then on” doesn’t matter. That very moment, that can’t easily be put into words, shows those two are perfectly in love and will be happy and beautiful forever – just for that moment because that’s the only moment we know because the screen is about to fade to black and the credits are about to roll.

I don’t even understand who came up with “happily ever after.” Who thought of the first “everything went perfectly” love story? How can a person imagine something so completely unattainable? I want perfect tingly love because I’ve been feed that story thousands of times. If I had never been told a love story would I still have the ability to yearn for true perfect beautiful understanding love?

Some philosopher argued God must exist because humans aren’t perfect and if an imperfect being has imagined something so perfect and almightily, that thing must exist.

It seems loveless sad people have the ability to contemplate the notion of true love. So if human beings have made story after story about “happily ever after” true love has to exist, according to some dead guy I can’t even remember the name of.

I’m boooooooorrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeedddddddd

Grrr

honestly

I don’t want to fall in love with words anymore.

I want to fall in love with you.

You’re like bait tied on by string from a stick in front of my nose.

But the stick is long so I can’t even see you.

I sense though. Do you even believe in sense anymore? Now that you are taking that class that makes you question fortune tellers and mind readers?

Absence makes the heart grow stronger. I want you because I can’t have you.

gimme gimme gimme gimme.

I like orange and green Halls

Turns out I can’t eat chicken noodle soup in bed without it dribbling down my chin.

I am sick. I ducked into back alleys and store isles downtown all day to day to blow my nose and conceal my whimpers. sniffle.

I was mailing a letter to a certain someone today and there was this jerk face in front of me in the very long line up sighing and groaning and complaining about having to wait.

I was all “listen buddy I’m suffering from the bubonic plague behind you and yet here I stand silently in line. So unless you’re going to die in the next 24 hours shut the hell up, you weirdo.”

Okay I didn’t say that but sheesh. Then he bought stamps – the ones you lick – and the employee girl hadn’t put any water in the stamp moisterer thingy. So weirdo, was all “this is ridiculous there isn’t any water in here. You better get some water. I’m not licking these things.”

And then the girl was all "I don’t have any water and I can’t leave the store to get water *glare glare*" and then I told her I had water, from my water bottle, and then I dumped it in and then he ranted at her a little more and then he said thank you to me and I grunted a quite “you're welcome.” Then apparently I didn’t say your welcome loud enough because he was all “hey lady I said THANK YOU.”

And I was all “Listen dumb ass I’m not being all chirpy to you after you verbally attacked that minimum wage paid employee so stop making an issue over everything and get over your self.” Actually, I glared at him and said “you're welcome” just little bit louder.

That’s why I’m throwing things around my home again

Today I participated in the Run for the Cure. I ran the 5 km in 33 minutes. I didn’t stop running ever – even when I felt like walking a couple of times.

I think I’m going to get rid of my dreads, die my hair a rich brown colour and get a wavy perm.

Yes you heard me.

I am writing a children’s book for a group project at school. Four of us are going to base our stories on a certain kid suffering from some media induced or media related “ailment.” I get Internet Kid. I’ve named her Ady. She suffers from all sorts of Internet addiction symptoms – like making typing movements with her fingers as she sleeps, getting agitated when she’s not on the internet, ordering things off eBay (ok ok not everyone who does that is addicted) and she doesn’t go to birthday parties...because she’s busy on eBay.

Well this post sure was informative, wasn’t it? I won’t do it again I promise.

Today a police man visited...but, more about that later

How very happily we live,
we who have nothing.
We will feed on rapture
like the Radiant gods.

-Dhammapada, 15, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.