ONE WAY

Ok so this one time I was standing, no wait, sitting in this really crowded area and the man sitting beside me had a mild case of ADHD. He twitched beside me for over 3 hours. He was a dyslexic man but harmless enough - that is before he started eating his questionable roast beef sandwich. He smacked his lips with such vigour I whimpered a little inside each time he did. While the woman to my left just slept, she didn't even open an eye to choose her complimentary beverage. As the server wheeled her beverage holder closer to me I decided I would have an apple juice. First, Sir ADHD Slurp ordered an apple juice, with a little ice. Oh God should I change my order or should I stay strong and order apple juice as well? I had apple juice NO ICE. She kept sleeping.

I told him when I arrive in a few days I wanted us to buy Safeway brownies - those really gooey ones in the square tins. He quickly informed me that Safeway doesn't exist there. NO SAFEWAY? I'm not coming. But then I did. I arrived and we went to Sobeys. We were about to buy Fruit Loops and Corn Pops. I suggested we get Fruity Hoops because they were so much cheaper! He said "Ok but we're still getting Corn Pops. We ain't gonna cheap out on no Starch Pops," in his little gangsta tone. I'm used to his gangasta ways but the man in his mid thirties standing in the same aisle as us was not - he made this suprised loud laugh sound. Teehee...I laughed about that for days...hooboy. Also, the Brie we bought had one of those anti theft things hidden in the plastic wrap - like those metallic bits CDs have inside.

The first night there we went to a Chinese food restaurant. We were alone at first. I was enjoying the questionable atmosphere. But, with stubborn eyes and a sharp tone he explained that this place was serving bastardized Chinese food. Then a drunk man came in. He said loud things and insulted everything that moved. It was a lonely place that served alcohol more than it was a restaurant, I think.

Some old black guy sat down on the subway, looked at a women standing by the door and said in a lovely and husky voice, "I say she's all hips and lips." She turned her head away from him and just smiled.

A homeless man sitting against a wall with a little cup asked if I could "Spare $100?" I laughed then he laughed then he said "ok then how about $0.25?" I think I said no or sorry or maybe I just smiled a little with him. Then he said "Well at least I made you laugh." Hmmmm.

"Um go to a gym?" - It's a good part. Listen to it!! Please? Elevator Hopper by Kid Koala.

All done.