Who me?

And so it begins.

Did you know that Kepler, of all people, mathematically proved that planets don’t rotate in circles but that they rotate in ellipses? I personally thought it was Galileo – silly me. Something even a little more puzzling is that this Microsoft Word spell check knows who Galileo is but not Kepler when it was Kepler who made quite the discovery. If we still thought planets rotated in circles, which we obviously wouldn’t, – but if we did – we would be very confused. Our calendars would also be confused.

I was standing in a gas paying line up. Finally, I passed my debit card to the boy wearing a kid’s cowboy hat and said I was the wood paneled mini van. “Wood paneled mini van” wasn’t the number he was hoping for. So, as he was about to raise his eyebrow in a puzzled way his fellow coworker shouts “she’s 12.” The fat poorly dressed woman behind me and in front of him, the coworker, cackles. “Oh no dear, I’d say she looks about 14.”
And then I say “Fuck you. I’m 22. I’m old damn it. Old.” I didn’t actually say that. Damn I promised myself I wouldn’t lie or embellish the truth this post – that was the last time I swear.

I watched him hold his little bag of pumpkin seeds and then sample a few from the bag. I also watched him dump the bag of seeds back into the bulk container bin. The thing is I really wanted some pumpkin seeds. I attempted to calculate the probability of me scooping up the seeds that had recently been touched by his saliva covered finger tips. As I was mid scoop he told me he thought the seeds tasted bitter. He went on to say I should double check by simply sticking my hand in and tasting some of the controversial seed. By that time I was on to him. He knew I saw him steal a taste. He was slyly making me into a pumpkin seed thief. “Oh no you don’t,” I thought. “I’m not becoming a member of your old man ‘sampling’ gang. You just want to eliminate the chance of me telling on you.” It took three forceful “no’s” sandwiched in between flowery words before he gave up. Not today old man, not today.

Today, I also got watermelon and cut it into tiny cubes.